More Funny Quotations To Bring Laughter

by allinspiration.com

“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”
– Spike Milligan

“My Father has a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”
– Spike Milligan

“I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
– Stephen Fry

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
– Steve Martin

“Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!”
– Steve Martin

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
– Steven Wright

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
– Steven Wright

“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
– Steven Wright

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”
– Steven Wright

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
– Steven Wright

“What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
– Steven Wright

“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
– Thomas Sowell

“Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.”
– Victor Hugo

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
– W.C. Fields

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
– W.C. Fields

“I like children – fried.”
– W.C. Fields

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
– Walt Disney

“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.”
– Walt Whitman

“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”
– Warren Buffett

“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
– Will Rogers

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
– Winston Churchill

“I am not afraid of death, I just won’t want to be there when it happens.”
– Woody Allen

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
– Yogi Berra

“I never said most of the things I said.”
– Yogi Berra

“He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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