But wait! There is hope.

It’s not the cock-eyed optimism sung about in South Pacific, the hottest show on Broadway. Rather it’s what psychologists in France are calling “intelligent optimism.” Such optimism does not deny the reality of today’s world, but rather seeks to LEARN how to fashion a life amid such difficulties. Martin Seligman, the psychologist who had made optimism and happiness his life’s work, would agree with the French: optimism can be taught.

Consider these basic steps:

(1) Focus on what you can control. Don’t get carried away by circumstances you cannot change. You might not change global warming, but you can control your energy consumption. You can’t stop the downsizing in your company, but you can arm yourself with marketable skills. You cannot halt the bleeding on Wall Street but you can rebalance your portfolio. You can take a hard look at expenses and determine what are necessities and what are nice-to-have items
that can be dropped. At the same time, do resolve to spend some money or time on something that truly gives you pleasure and lightens your spirit. Two-for-one hamburgers at the local joint with my best friend make my heart glad and brings a smile to TWO faces.

(2) Reframe the event so that you are not a victim. There is always another way to view a situation. The flight cancellation that caused me to miss (and forfeit) a major engagement was not “planned” to “get” me. It just was. My choice is to figure out what I can do to help the current client and what I will put in place of the cancelled work. When Hurricane Katrina wiped out the home of a nurse, she told me that she focused every day on what she still had and she had her children do the same thing. Every day started with gratitude. She refused to see herself as a victim.

(3) Think “enough”. When we concentrate on what we don’t have, we miss all the many things we do have. The truth of the matter is that if you are reading this article, you do have enough computer power. You do have enough intelligence. You do have enough. It might not be as much as you would like but, for today, it is enough.

(4) Cultivate optimistic responses. Like a farmer tending a field, optimism will never grow unless it is watered, fed, weeded, and nourished. We all have days in which negativity can take over. And, sometimes, that is a WISE response because it keeps us grounded in reality. Just make sure it is reality and not the imagination making extraordinary leaps into conjecture. Weed out that conjecture. Ask what you can DO to see a result that gives you a sense of power. As Alexander Graham Bells stated, “Sometimes we stare so long at the
closed door we fail to see the one that is opening.” The 3M engineer who thought he had failed to make a glue compound that would stick discovered what we all now call Post-In Notes(tm).

(5) Remember the power of generations. Children of depressed parents are more prone to depression. Children of optimists are more prone to be optimists. What do you choose to pass along? Even if your parents were negative, you can break the cycle by stopping, freeze-framing a situation, listening to the negative self-talk, and then literally giving yourself a different message. Yes, this is a practice. A hard practice. But you can make it a habit if you work it over time.

(6) Sing. When all else fails-start singing. It is impossible to feel negative when you lift your voice in song. Music allows you to formulate words, to add nuance, and to even get your toe tapping.

(7) Refuse to watch or read anything that puts a dark pall over your day. Instead of tuning into gloom, read a book that transports you to another time and a better mood. Go play with the baby next door. And if you are one of those folks who just can’t stand children, take a walk with your dog, dig in the yard, or get a bucket of balls and practice your golf swing. Better that than walking around with heart and mind weighted down.

(8) Refuse to participate in a chorus of negative conversations if the only thing you will hear is whining, complaining and moaning. Tell your group that they have three minutes to throw a hissy fit but then it must stop and the next six minutes must be devoted to either finding something positive about the situation or something that they can do.

Lastly, practice saying this mantra, “This too shall pass.” It always has and it always will.

(c) 2009, McDargh Communications. Publication rights granted to all venues so long as article and by-line are reprinted intact and all links are made live.

Known as a powerful presenter and facilitator, Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE has been creating conversations that matter and connections that count since 1980. Executive Excellence ranks her among the top 100 thought-leaders in leadership development. Her newest book, Gifts from the Mountain, received the 2008 Ben Franklin book award. To hire Eileen to heal your company as a speaker, coach or retreat leader visit http://www.eileenmcdargh.com

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These few simple philosophies on life center around money, material wealth, and our wants. They serve as reminders that there are many more important things which we often forget, or take for granted.

Note: This is just for fun and for some laughs, with no offence intended to any individual or group of individuals. Enjoy!

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I’m telling a shortened version of it, in my own words.

A teacher asks a little boy a question - “if I gave you an apple, another apple, and another apple, how many would you have?”

“Four!” the boy screamed enthusiastically.

The teacher was disappointed. She repeated the question.

The boy gave the same answer, although, this time, he was a little more hesitant, having seen the teacher’s disapproving look.

The teacher thought that perhaps the boy had problems processing the word or the item “apple”, so she tried the same question again, this time changing “apples” to “strawberries”.

“Three!” yelled the boy.

The teacher was delighted. But she wanted to make sure everything was spot on, so she tried the apple question again.

“Four!” was the reply once again.

“Why?!?” screamed the teacher in exasperation.

“Because I already have an apple in my bag.”

Often, we think we have all the information, that our point of view is right, and that we have the “right” answer. But there is *always* information which is hidden from our view.

As far as is possible, learn to keep an open mind.

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Warning: This is a tear jerker!

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In this article, excerpted from his new book, Guy Finley teaches us to realize our potential for happiness and success, by being one with the Light, to be the Light of our Self. Surrender not to the darkness, but allow the Light, Light which is already living within us, to shine through.

This concept is not easy to grasp, let alone apply. Yet, I can sense the immense power it has in transforming our lives, if we do manage to do so.

Solve the Mystery of Living in the Light

By Guy Finley

Here’s a true idea that rarely occurs to us. There is a greater potential in what we don’t yet know about this life of ours than there is in what we’ve already seen about it.

This great undiscovered territory–this “darkness” within us–is there for a distinctly Divine purpose: it exists as it does to serve the Light that reveals it; for in each such revelation there is a simultaneous realization and release of a new order of consciousness. There is such beauty in this idea, for it speaks to the possibility of a continual rebirth within us. What this means is that currently we don’t yet see “problems” for what they really are: a part of the Light within us that we have yet to perceive! Any thought or feeling that troubles us in mind or heart, any fear or worry, is like a candle not yet lit. What purpose has any flame or light–in any form we may find it–other than to enter into and transform what is dark into more of itself?

For instance, maybe we turn around one day and find ourselves caught in the dark grip of some kind of fear. Perhaps we see the one we love “looking the other way”; maybe a phone call delivers uncertain news about our deteriorating health; or someone tells us about a forthcoming change at work that threatens our sense of security.

In moments such as these, our future grows as dark and full of the loneliness, worry, and loss we see coming our way. But our lives need not be swallowed up in unconscious servitude to this kind of suffering. We have another choice if we will only dare be still and be the Light. Here now are some ways to practice realizing the truth of your Self. Each case begins with remembering to make the new choice that follows:

• Instead of surrendering yourself to its punishing presence, bring your loneliness into the Light of your Self. If you will remain there within your awareness of this “darkness,” here’s what you’ll see take place before your inner eyes: the fear of being alone will be transformed into the contentment of knowing that you have never been without the love that you long for. You will see that a tenderness beyond words lives within the Light you have embraced.

• Bring your fear and worry about “tomorrow” into the Light of your Self. Remain there in your awareness of these frightening shadows, and here’s what will unfold before your inner eyes: you’ll watch these dark doubts dissolve into an unquestioned knowing that no time to come has power over the peace of being in the present moment. You will see that serenity is one with the life of the Light you have chosen to be.

• When visited by some sense of loss or emptiness, bring it into the Light of your Self. Remain quietly attentive to how that dark state wants to drag you into its world, even as you hold it in your awareness, and you’ll see a miracle take place before your inner eyes: that feeling of being forsaken will be transformed into the fullness of knowing that who you really are is wholeness itself. For your willingness to be inwardly watchful, you will see that the Light of your Self reaches everywhere in the universe . . . so how could you ever be alone? All that lives . . . lives within the Light of your Self.

After many years of talking to aspirants about being the Light instead of searching for what they think they need to deal with their dark states, I have found there is one main reason most people won’t take the leap of releasing their fears into the Light that lives within them. They profess a love of the Light, but whenever an unwanted moment appears, and they look into its unknown abyss . . . they see no Light there, only darkness. Then comes an immediate resistance, and darkness rules the day. Let me shed some light on this problem. Things are not always as they are seen.

Do you recall the wonderful characters in The Wizard of Oz? Along with Dorothy–who was trying to find her way back home–there was the scarecrow, the tin man, and the cowardly lion: her compatriots on the journey to see the great wizard who would grant each of them their most fervent wish.

The scarecrow wanted a brain, a mind with which to reason and know the truth of things. The tin man hoped for a heart to beat in his hollow tin chest, so that by its warmth and rhythmic beating he would know the presence of the love for which he longed; and the cowardly lion wanted courage to face his fears, to meet any form of darkness with what it takes to defeat it. By the end of the story–largely as a result of what they go through because of their love for Dorothy–each makes this glad discovery: the very quality of character for which they had gone out searching was already living within them!

So it is with us: we have forgotten that who we really are cannot be made a captive of any dark condition any more than a sunbeam can be caught and held in a bottle. Our True Self is success itself, in every meaning of the word, because by its Light it fulfills and liberates all that it touches.

Never mind all the voices you’ll no doubt hear shouting at you the first time you decide to be the Light of your Self. That which is dark does not go gently through being made new and bright. So there is work involved. But the Light we realize within us never fails; it literally carries us above whatever mountain is before us by revealing it to be nothing other than what we had yet to see about ourselves.

We cannot control the way the world turns, we cannot change day into night, we cannot keep what is not ours; and we cannot hide these facts from ourselves, no matter how hard we try. But what we are given to do, and that turns out to be the one power of ours truly capable of transforming the whole of life, is that we can choose–moment to moment–to be the Light of our Self. We are created as co-creators of all that we can be conscious of within ourselves. It is our right to be in relationship with only those powers whose presence serves our chosen purpose in life . . . which is to be one with the Light.

*********************************
Guy Finley is the best-selling author of more than 36 books and audio albums on self-realization. He is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for self-study located in southern Oregon where he gives talks four times each week. For more information visit www.guyfinley.com, and sign up to receive a free helpful newsletter emailed to your desktop once each week.

(Excerpted from The Essential Laws of Fearless Living, Weiser Books, 2008)

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In the following article, an excerpt from his new book, Guy Finley teaches us how to practice watchfulness, to regain control of our “attention” and to turn it to our advantage. It’s akin, the way I see it, to the “law of attraction”. It’s a great read.

Find New Strength in Awakened Attention

By Guy Finley

Key Lesson: Whether for its joy or sorrow, whatever we wish for another person comes true for us in the same moment we make that wish!

Imagine for a moment a woman who inherits an antique jewelry box from a loving grandparent. She puts the cherished keepsake on her makeup bureau, next to her own collection of rings and pearls, but never really pays it much mind. And there it sits. But what she doesn’t know is that her grandmother hid a priceless diamond ring within it, in a secret compartment. It’s hers to have, if only she knew where to look for it. But will she?

In many ways this is a story not unlike our own: for “hidden” within each of us, and yet in plain sight, is a power unmatched in its brilliance. What is this potential diamond of the mind that awaits whoever will find it? It is our ability to attend to what we will. Coupled with awareness, attention empowers us to unite ourselves with whatever we wish to know and be. Let’s examine this largely unexplored gift of ours.

We are all graced with an immense interior gift: the power to give our attention to what we will – to what enriches and serves us.

Continuing states of stress and sorrow are the result of having mistakenly placed our attention upon what punishes us, stealing from us our happiness as a result. Any time our attention is given to some thought or feeling, it animates that condition; our attention invests what it falls on with a certain kind of life energy. Another unknown phenomenon about attention is that when it is given to something – for instance, a timeless night sky – it facilitates within us a union with the qualities of that “world.” And this dynamic is in operation all the time: to consider something is to be connected to it. So, our attention connects, animates, and nourishes whatever we lend it to in life. And more than this, but as a part of its power, we have all witnessed the following:

You’re stopped at a red light, and you look out your car window at someone passing by. You follow him with your eyes – interested in something about his appearance or manner. As you remotely study this person, the power of attention moves through and across time and space and it “touches” him in some way. The next thing you know he turns around and looks at you!

This power can be used for good or bad. When we use it for practical work, or for honest self-observation, we use it to our own benefit. However, when this power operates on its own, within us, without our awareness of what it’s interacting with, it can cause many problems. Here is where the unattended mind becomes the breeding ground of self-defeat. For instance, any time our attention is placed, without our knowing it, on some way to escape ourselves, here’s what happens: more often than not we find out – too late – we got hooked up with some self-harming idea that ultimately led us to compromise ourselves.

This new kind of self-knowledge places us on the threshold of a wholly different, brighter life. If by being inattentive to our own interior life, we see how much of our unhappiness is self-created, then, we can learn to redirect our attention, placing it within what is right and bright. But, there is only one way to realize this reversal: we must work to see how wrongly directed attention works against us.

Perhaps a thought pops into your mind about a problem that’s been bothering you. Appearing with it is some emotional disturbance. Now the thought starts rolling, growing in its demand for your attention. Almost instantly it has defined what needs to be done, or what you are powerless to do. And both states accomplish the same dark end: You’ve unknowingly animated that thought and given it a life – and the life you’ve given it is your own! Here’s an example of how this scene might unfold:

A man is walking through his office when his boss walks by and gives him a blank look. The thought pops into the man’s mind that his boss is criticizing him or doesn’t like him. Now, as he starts to fear this idea – a negative picture produced by his imagination – his mind focuses its attention on this disturbing image. And the more he attends to this dark dream, the further into its labyrinth he descends, strengthening its presence and power to further irritate him. A heartbeat later, he has no doubt: the boss has it in for him! This thought grows in authority for him, tormenting him for the rest of the day and causing him to snap at his family when he gets home. And all of this suffering is born of what? The conjunction of a passing glance and a moment of misdirected attention!

Here’s the amazing thing about this illustration, and what we want to learn from it: this whole drama has been played out inside of the man – storyline, stage, cast, and leading characters. But he doesn’t see how this painful state is self-created; instead he believes it has been cast upon him by someone else – his heartless boss! So, what else can he do – being in the dark as he is to his true condition – but try to rid himself of his stressed feelings? How? By arguing with his boss, either outwardly or in his mind. The more he feels punished by the situation that he sees in his mind, the more he wants to fight with it. He’s sure his unwanted experience exists independent of his perception of it, but we can see he’s mistaken. His pain is a product of how he sees the event and then all of the misery that comes with resisting his own mistaken perception. He is quite literally lashing himself, and the more he resists what he thinks is happening, the more it happens to him! This is a good description of what I call the “circle of self.” In it we can see how the pain of our own mistaken perception produces the enemies it needs to keep itself alive.

From our vantage point, we can see how the man’s unattended mind first animated a fearful thought, which leads to wrongly feeding it with his own life. We can also see that nothing can change for him until he sees the truth behind his trouble and withdraws his consent from it.

We suffer because we consort with painful thoughts and feelings, thinking somehow that not wanting them makes them go away. But our unconscious actions betray us: first, by animating what makes us ache, and then by binding us to that relationship through our resistance to it. Here’s a simple way of saying these last few ideas: Not wanting our negative states actually nourishes them! I can almost hear the question that comes next: “Wait a minute! You can’t be saying these dark thoughts and feelings are good, and that we should want what’s hurting us, are you?”

Of course not! Negative states have no right to exist in us as they presently do. And that’s just the point. We literally give them a place to live in our psychic system – feed them, as it were – by trying to rid ourselves of them in the usual ways. But there are other ways of dealing with pervasive dark states besides resisting them, suppressing them, or trying to change the conditions seen as being responsible for them. Instead of these acts of willfulness, we choose in favor of watchfulness. Rather than struggling with dark states, learning to be quietly watchful of them does two things at once: first, it separates us from being wrongly identified with our own thoughts about that troublesome state. Second – by the light of our newly liberated attention – we catch a glimpse of a powerful insight whose light helps set us free:

If we mistakenly give any negative state its “life” – then the opposite must hold true: we can consciously withdraw that same life any time we so choose!

Here is a simple exercise to help you get started with this new kind of seeing that is the power behind freeing you. Several times each day, whenever you can remember to do it, deliberately disconnect yourself from your own thinking. Choose awareness of your thoughts over being absorbed in the sensations they produce as they carry you along to get what they want. The aim here is simple: reclaim your attention in order to be where you are, and then just quietly notice all that you can about yourself. The light of this new order of awareness empowers you to catch and release what your own unattended thoughts had been busy cooking up for you, using you as stock! Each time you remember to reclaim your attention in this manner, with it you regain your life. And here is a bright bit of encouragement to help you get started. The words that follow are those of Simone Weil, a brilliant French writer, activist, and lover of the Light: “Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul.”

*********************************
Guy Finley is the best-selling author of more than 36 books and audio albums on self-realization. He is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for self-study located in southern Oregon where he gives talks four times each week. For more information visit www.guyfinley.com, and sign up to receive a free helpful newsletter emailed to your desktop once each week.

(Excerpted from The Essential Laws of Fearless Living, Weiser Books, 2008)

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Here is a good article by Guy Finley, giving us a suggestion on how to stop allowing discouragement and discouraging feelings from being a source of self-limitation in our lives.

Liberate Yourself From Self-Limiting Thoughts and Feelings

By Guy Finley

It’s a paradox of the true spiritual path, but the more conscious we become of what limits us, the more limitless becomes our life. So, take as long as you need to understand the lesson that follows. It’s intended to shed much-needed light on one of the more deceptive dark states that stands between us and the freedom for which we long.

The only purpose discouraged feelings serve is to keep your thoughts on what you can’t do. And with your attention fixed in this fashion – on what seems impossible – there’s no room for discovering what is possible – for what you can do.

Let’s cover this important discovery one more time.

The only thing that feelings of discouragement do is keep you busy doing nothing except feeling sorry for yourself, which is the perfect guarantee that your sorry situation will remain hopelessly the same. Enough is enough! You don’t have to put up with one more discouraging moment, let alone a life filled with its darkness. There is another choice you can learn to make besides falling into those familiar feelings of failure. Use this next higher idea to help you start thinking about those old discouragements in a new way.

Whenever we suffer over what we aren’t able to do, have, win, or work through, our attention in these moments is riveted on our own thoughts, thoughts that are busy telling us we’re somehow stuck. Maybe you can recognize some of these heavy-hearted inner voices. They say in one way or another . . .

• “I’ll never get out of this mess.”

• “I’m too stupid to learn these things.”

• “I must have done something terrible to deserve this!”

• “There’s no point in going any farther.”

• “This is definitely hopeless.”

Now, on the surface of things, these all-too-familiar whispers of defeat – these dark voices that reach our inner ears, speaking to us with our own voice – seem to be genuinely concerned with our unfortunate condition. But a deeper look into this covert operation reveals these troubled thoughts are up to something totally different. There is an unseen “conspiracy of limitation” taking place within our own consciousness! Follow the next four ideas all the way to their stunning conclusion. They show us that self-illumination and self-liberation are one and the same power.

1. The more these gloomy voices talk to us, the more discouraged we feel.

2. The more discouraged we feel, the more certain we are that we have no other choice but to feel that way.

3. The more convinced we are that we have no choice, the less choice we have.

4. The act of identifying with this dark inner dialogue actually produces the dead end we fear!

We end up being able to go no farther with our wish for broader personal horizons because, unbeknownst to ourselves, we now believe that there’s no way to get past where we now perceive ourselves to be limited or tied down. The key idea in this part of our investigation lies within the word perceive, because – for the purposes of this exercise – the word perceive rhymes with deceive. And that’s precisely what this faulty perception is: a self-deception. Here’s proof.

There are no dead ends in real life. You must prove this bright fact to yourself, and here’s a good place to start: in any given moment, there is always something higher you can do with your life than sit there and suffer over what you think you can’t have, or do, or be. Why wallow when a small amount of interior work will act to change your reality?

Here’s one example of a new and higher inner action to take when faced with the presence of any discouraging inner state: See that the size of the discouragement you feel is directly proportional to the size of your insistence that life conform to your demands. Then, having verified this truth for yourself, dare to quietly drop that self-defeating demand.
The first time you bring such a light to bear on any discouraged thought or feeling, it will fade from view – much as shadows do when the sun reaches its mid-day zenith. Their departure leaves you with fresh new energies that not only grant you “new eyes” through which to see how you can proceed with your wish, but that also grant you the strength to begin the next leg of your quest.

For instance, maybe you’ve felt discouraged because you wanted to learn something new – a higher skill or a difficult lesson – but felt sure that certain limitations of yours placed this possibility beyond your abilities. And so you resigned yourself to feeling discouraged. While this kind of self-defeating behavior is commonly accepted as natural, it’s totally unnecessary. You can do something much higher!

Instead of falling into those familiar feelings of futility over yourself, work to deliberately drop those discourage-filled thoughts that are telling you the limit of your present view is the limit of your possibilities. Who you have been matters only to those dark states that want you to remain that way so that they can continue to rule the day. Refuse to dwell in discouragement over who your own thoughts are telling you you’ll never be. Just get started working on who, and what, you are right now!

In other words, do what’s in your power and refuse to be discouraged about anything else. And keep repeating this new conscious action one step at a time, over and over again. It is in your power to learn whatever it takes – one lesson at a time - and make it all the way to your designated goal.

Here’s one last special thought to help summarize this important life lesson in liberating ourselves from the limitations of discouragement:
Any conversation you permit yourself to have with dark and discouraging thoughts guarantees you’ll wind up with a dozen good reasons for why you feel so dark and discouraged. When it comes to any negative thought, the first word you have with it is the same as giving it the last word with you.

Practice these higher lessons in self-liberation until you’re free of all feelings of futility. You’ll soon see how this new action gives you the last laugh on discouragement.

********************************* 
Guy Finley is the best-selling author of more than 36 books and audio albums on self-realization. He is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for self-study located in southern Oregon where he gives talks four times each week. For more information visit www.guyfinley.com, and sign up to receive a free helpful newsletter emailed to your desktop once each week.

(Excerpted from The Essential Laws of Fearless Living, Weiser Books, 2008)

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When things are roughest, and life seems the toughest, it is easy to lose hope, to lose confidence in ourselves, as well as to lose self esteem, self love and our sense of self worth.

This little story teaches us that, no matter what happens and how we are bashed up, we remain valuable as individuals. Don’t you ever forget that.

The $20 Bill (Story)

Source Unknown

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up.

He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first, let me do this.”

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, “Who still wants it?”

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, “What if I do this?”

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

“Now, who still wants it?”

Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20,” he said.

“Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.”

“But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.”

“The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special - Don’t EVER forget it.”

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