Sarcastic Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”
– Mark Twain

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”
– Mark Twain

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
– Mark Twain

“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”
– Mark Twain

“We have the best government that money can buy.”
– Mark Twain

“Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to.”
– Clarence Darrow

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.”
– Clarence Darrow

“It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.”
– Charles Pierce

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.”
– Winston Churchill

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
– Winston Churchill

“People appreciate the little things that you do for them. And that is how you prevent them from asking you to do something big.”
– Sarcasm Society

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, as long as that’s just a stop on the way to his penis.”
– Sarcasm Society

“99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.”
– Steven Wright

“A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.”
– Steven Wright

“Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.”
– Mark Twain

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.”
– Hedy Lamarr

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
– Steven Wright

“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
– Steven Wright

“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
– Robert Benchley

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
– George Carlin

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
– P J ORourke

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
– Mark Twain

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
– Woody Allen

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Follow this site