Sarcastic Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of sarcastic sayings and quotes from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

“It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.”
– Paul Newman

“It’s a catastrophic success.”
– Stephen Bishop

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
– Abba Eban

“No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”
– Groucho Marx

“How do you feel about women‘s rights? I like either side of them.”
– Groucho Marx

“A man is as young as the woman he feels.”
– Groucho Marx

“A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.”
– Groucho Marx

“Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse.”
– Groucho Marx

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
– Groucho Marx

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
– Groucho Marx

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
– Groucho Marx

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
– Groucho Marx

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx

“I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.”
– Groucho Marx

“The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.”
– Frank Zappa

“The 100% American is 99% idiot.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I am not young enough to know everything.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”
– Oscar Wilde

“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.”
– Victor Borge

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”
– Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.”
– Mark Twain

“Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.”
– Mark Twain

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
– Mark Twain

“I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.”
– Mark Twain

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
– Clarence Darrow

“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies.”
– Charles Pierce

“You have delighted us long enough.”
– Jane Austen

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
– Winston Churchill

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
– William Faulkner

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