Sarcastic Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
– Emo Philips

“If at first you don’t succeed, try something easier.”
– Sarcasm Society

“He never slows down to think; it’s too painful to spend times with his own thoughts.”
– Sarcasm Society

“It’s never too late to go wrong.”
– Sarcasm Society

“The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.”
– Sarcasm Society

“One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.”
– Will Durant

“It’s a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor.”
– John Cleese

“Personal experience makes a believer out of anyone; that explains the hordes of evolution deniers.”
– Sarcasm Society

“Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.”
– Unknown

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
– Mark Twain

“They worship the ground that he walks away from.”
– Sarcasm Society

“I’m not so good with the advice… Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment.”
– Chandler Bing

“That’s okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.”
– Homer Simpson

“I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.”
– John Cleese

“What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard.”
– Eddie Izzard

“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
– Seinfeld

“A penny saved is a penny you didn’t put in the ‘Take a penny, leave a penny’ tray, you cheap bastard.”
– Sarcasm Society

“Absence makes the heart want to fondle other people.”
– Sarcasm Society

“If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.”
– Mark Twain

“To err is human. To forgive for no good reason is plain stupid.”
– Sarcasm Society

“I don’t know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn’t.”
– Jules Renard

“Everyone knows best; even though everyone knows very little.”
– Sarcasm Society

“If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”
– Carl Sagan

“Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere.”
– Unknown

“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”
– Unknown

“100,000 sperm and you were the fastest.”
– Unknown

“For your information, I would like to ask a question.”
– Samuel Goldwyn

“The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife.”
– David Ogilvy

“Sarcasm: A literary device for identifying the stupid.”
– Sarcasm Society

“I thank God that you are unique.”
– Sarcasm Society

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