Yet More Humorous Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“Young men think old men are fools but old men know young men are fools”
– George Chapman

“No good deed goes unpunished”
– Gilbert Keith Chesterton 

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it”
– Groucho Marx

“You’ve got the brain of a four year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.”
– Groucho Marx

“Man’s work is from sun to sun, woman’s work is never done”
– H. Blaney Giese

“Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.”
– H.L. Mencken

“Man was predestined to have free will.”
– Hal Lee Luyah

“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy”
– Helen Hayes

“Life’s too short for chess”
– Henry James Byron

“When we think we lead, we are most led”
– Henry James Byron

“It takes less time to do something right than to explain why it was done wrong”
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

“If you want to be criticized, marry”
– Irish Proverb

“I’ve just learned of his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
– Irvin S. Cobb

“Public money is like holy water; people help themselves”
– Italian

“If a patient dies, the doctor killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him”
– Italian Proverb

“A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it’s not worth it.”
– J. Nowell

“What’s The Difference Between Roast Beef and Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef”
– J. Shea

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure”
– Jack E. Leonard

“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.  Now I see that I should have been more specific.”
– Jane Wagner

“The older I get, the righter my parents were”
– Jeanne Warner

“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers”
– Jewish Proverb

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator”
– John Bright

“A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.”
– John Florio

“If the manure gets steeper…but the flies are buying…”
– John Gimbel

“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.”
– John Kenneth Galbraith

“What the mulla says, you must do; what he does, you must not do”
– Kashmiri 

“It’s not easy being green”
– Kermit the Frog

“Who was the one who put the needle in the haystack anyway?”
– Lester Goslar

“We developed language because of our deep need to complain”
– Lily Tomlin

“The trouble with being in a rat race is that even when you win you’re still a rat”
– Lily Tomlin

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