Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs

by allinspiration.com

“Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.”
– Rita Mae Brown

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”
– Rita Mae Brown

“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
– Robert Brault

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired”
– Robert Frost

“Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“My uncle’s dying wish he wanted me on his lap….He was in the electric chair.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“School is a place were you go to eat your lunch”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“Do you realize if it weren’t for Edison we’d be watching TV by candlelight?”
– Ronald Reagan

“Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; “Mommy, you need to buy another baby“.”
– Ronald Reagan

“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy”
– Sam Levenson

“The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.”
– Steve Martin

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
– Steven Wright

“Often when I fall, I don’t wake up. I lie there and enjoy my nap.”
– Tiela Selepe

“Honesty is the best image.”
– Tom Wilson, Ziggy

“A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.”
– Unknown

“A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries”
– Unknown

“Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.”
– Unknown

“I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.”
– Unknown

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Unknown

“I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.”
– Unknown

“I wonder if vampire’s eyebrows can grow back.”
– Unknown

“If you don’t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.”
– Unknown

“If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.”
– Unknown

“Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid.”
– Unknown

“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand”
– Unknown

“Love is loving what your lover loves”
– Unknown

“Love thy neighbor, just watch out for the husband.”
– Unknown

“Loving is like peeing in your pants – everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth”
– Unknown

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