Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs

by allinspiration.com

“A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.”
– Mark Twain

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”
– Mark Twain

“Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.”
– Mark Twain

“Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.”
– Mark Twain

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company”
– Mark Twain

“How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.”
– Mark Twain

“When in doubt, tell the truth.”
– Mark Twain

“A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.”
– Marvin Kitman

“Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.”
– Mary Schmich

“The time to begin most things is ten years ago.”
– Mignon McLaughlin

“First we are children to our parents, then parents to our children, then parents to our parents, then children to our children”
– Milton Greenblatt

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
– Navjot Singh Sidhu

“He was the toast to her butter.”
– Nicholas Sparks

“I may be irresponsible but I am a good irresponsible.”
– Nicholas Sparks

“If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.”
– Nora Ephron

“Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”
– Oscar Wilde

“God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.”
– Oscar Wilde

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it”
– Oscar Wilde

“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.”
– Pauline Thomason

“Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.”
– Philander Johnson

“If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.”
– Quentin Crisp

“Doing nothing is impossible. You’re always breathing. When you’re dead you’re being dead. Then when I answer the phone and someone asks what I’m doing why do I always say “Nothing?”"
– Rachele

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone”
– Reba McEntire

“Follow your dreams…except for that one where you’re naked at work.”
– red27y

“Always walk towards open doors. And if they slam shut in your face, kick that sucker in and keep going.”
– Richard Gere

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
– Richard Gere

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”
– Richard Lewis

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