Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs


Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs

Here is a collection of short funny sayings from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by for you to read and enjoy.

“Don’t be so humble—you are not that great.”
– Alicia Silverstone on her film ‘clueless’

“If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.”
– Alicia Silverstone on her film ‘clueless’

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage
– Ambrose Bierce

“We only need to wear shoes because the British built roads which hurt our feet.”
– Anthony Burgess

“She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Without fools the rest of us could not succeed.”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Is your refrigerator running? Well if so you better go catch it.”
– Bailey

“Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do.”
– Bertrand Russell

“The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that they haven’t attempted to contact us.”
– Bill Watterson

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.”
– Britney Spears

“As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.”
– Britney Spears

“Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.”
– Brooke Shields

“There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.”
– Brooke Shields

“As a child my family‘s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
– Charles de Gaulle

“Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“I love people; it’s mankind I can’t stand.”
– Charles Schulz

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
– Charles Wadsworth

“The comparison of subways and sandwiches is a bit of an old joke for us now.”
– Charlotte Cooper

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
– Chris Rock

“I don’t believe in the after-life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
– Christina Aguilera

“Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.”
– Christina Aguilera

“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children
– Clarence Darrow

“This is my rule of married life: it’s better to be happy than to be right.”
– Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers

“My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”
– Cynthia Walker McCullough

“There’s a price you pay for chewing your mouth so fast, you tongue is at risk!”
– Dani

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”
– Daniel J. Boorstin

“If you are bad. Then I am your dad.”
– Dhwani pandit

“A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.”
– Donald Rumsfeld

“To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
– Donald Rumsfeld

“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
– Dr. Seuss

“Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.”
– E. Joseph Cossman

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