Sex Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“A terrible thing happened to me last night again – Nothing.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Men get laid, but women get screwed.”
– Quentin Crisp

“[T]he common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex.”
– Randy Thornhill

“Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires.  If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume?”
– Richard Fleischer

“During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.”
– Richard Lewis

“Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen.  Women reach theirs at thirty-five.  Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?”
– Rita Rudner

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.”
– Robert Byrn

“I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn’t pass the physical.”
– Robert Mitchum

“If it wasn’t for pickpockets and frisking at airports I’d have no sex life at all.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“My cock doesn’t talk politics.”
– S.A. Sachs

“Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin – it’s the triumphant twang of a bedspring.”
– S.J. Perelman

“Men wake up aroused in the morning.  We can’t help it.  We just wake up and we want you.  And the women are thinking, “How can he want me the way I look in the morning?”  It’s because we can’t see you.  We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.”
– Sean Morey

“Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet.”
– St Augustine

“Virginity can be lost by a thought.”
– St. Jerome

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”
– Steve Martin

“AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences:  suicide.  Or murder.”
– Susan Sontag

“Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  “Yes” is the answer.”
– Swami X

“There are three sexes — men, women, and clergymen.”
– Sydney Smith

“Sudden acquaintance brings repentance.”
– Thomas Fuller

“Masturbation:  the primary sexual activity of mankind.  In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure.”
– Thomas Szasz

“The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.”
– Truman Capote

“I think I could fall madly in bed with you.”
– Unknown

“Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.”
– Unknown

“Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.”
– Unknown

“When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave. 
– Unknown

“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.”
– Unknown

“A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.  The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out.  The egg mutters to no one in particular, “I guess we answered that question.” 
– Unknown

“If it prove fair weather.”
– Unknown

“Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.”
– Unknown

“Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.”
– Unknown

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