More Witty Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“All jobs are easy to the person who doesn’t have to do them.”
– Holt’S Law

“I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.”
– Howard Nemerov

“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.”
– Imelda Marcos

“Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”
– James Thurber

“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
– Jay Leno

“It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.”
– Jay London

“My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.”
– Jay London

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
– Joan Rivers

“Never floss with a stranger.”
– Joan Rivers

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”
– Joe E. Lewis

“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.”
– Joe E. Lewis

“No man’s knowledge here can go beyond his experience”
– John Locke

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
– Josh Billings

“Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.”
– Josh Billings

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
– Katharine Hepburn

“Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”
– Kelvin Throop

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
– Laurence J. Peter

“Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.”
– Lewis Mumford

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
– Lily Tomlin

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”
– Lily Tomlin

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”
– Mae West

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
– Mae West

“Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.”
– Marilyn Vos Savant

“Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.”
– Marilyn Vos Savant

“Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.”
– Mark Twain

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
– Mark Twain

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
– Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.”
– Mark Twain

“There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.”
– Mark Twain

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