More Humorous Quotes And Sayings To Tickle You

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More Humorous Quotes And Sayings To Tickle You


“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
– Bette Midler

“It’s hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”
– Rick Riordan

“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.”
– Charles Bukowski

People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.”
– Christopher Paolini

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”
– Sylvia Plath

“I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.”
– G. K. Chesterton

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
George Bernard Shaw

“MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.”
– Patricia Briggs

“I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”
– Woody Allen

“There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.”
– Chelsea Handler

“Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising.”
– Meg Cabot

“If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.”
– Jarod Kintz

“I don’t do what I’m told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.”
– Cassandra Clare

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.”
– Stephen King

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
– George Carlin

“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”
– Anne Lamott

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,” he said. “Have you thought of going into teaching?”
– Terry Pratchett

Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
– Jarod Kintz

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”
– Dorothy Parker

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
Mark Twain

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”
– P.G. Wodehouse

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
– Steve Martin

“Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles”
– Rowena Cherry

“Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It’s made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!”
– Roald Dahl

“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.”
– Jarod Kintz

“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
Oscar Wilde

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
– Cassandra Clare

“When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.”
– Jarod Kintz

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
– George Carlin

“I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
– George Carlin

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