More Funny Life Quotes And Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education”
– Thomas Edison

“Any fool can criticize, complain, condemn, and most fools do. ”
– Anon

“A fool and his money are soon elected.”
– Will Rogers

“The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos”
– Anon

“If you want a place in the sun, you have to put up with a few blisters.”
– Abigail Van Buren

“Once you become famous, there is nothing left to become but infamous. ”
– Don Johnson

“If your head is wax, don’t walk in the sun”
– Benjamin Franklin

“This suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts”
– Oscar Wilde

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.”
– Douglas Adams

“I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”
– Yogi Berra

“Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I don’t think President Bush is doing anything at all about Aids. In fact, I’m not sure he even knows how to spell Aids. ”
– Elizabeth Taylor

“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. ”
– George Carlin

“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”
– Woody Allen

“In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God”
– Fredrick Nietzsche

“Anything too stupid to be said is sung”
– Voltaire

“Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.”
– Steven Colbert

“The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.”
– jay Leno

“Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.”
– Adam Sandler

“I’m an old-fashioned guy… I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something.”
– Johnny Depp

“When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed.”
– Jennifer Aniston

“It’s okay to be crazy, but don’t be insane.”
– Sean Diddy Combs

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ”
– Fred Allen

“The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.”
– Robert Graves

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ”
– Bill Watterson

“You must lose everything in order to gain anything.”
– Brad Pitt

“Morgan Freeman is so class. He’s so cool. He’s so scary.”
– Jim Carrey

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