More Funny Inspirational Quotes And Sayings

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More Funny Inspirational Quotes And Sayings


“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”
– Joe Girard

“The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against wacking them around a little.”
– Joe Martin

“A politician is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.”
– Joe Moore

“Seven days without laughter make one weak.”
– Joel Goodman

“If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will.”
– John Atkinson

“A free lunch is only found in mousetraps.”
– John Capozzi

“Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend.”
– John Singer Sargent

“A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.”
– Katharine Whitehorn

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”
– Larry David

“A smiling face is half the meal.”
– Latvian Proverb

“When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won’t come up with a handful of mud either.”
– Leo Burnett

“I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said “Are you going to help?” I said, “No, six should be enough.”"
– Les Dawson

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
– Lilly Tomlin

“A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.”
– Lord Samuel

“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.”
– Louis Agassiz

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
– M. K. Gandhi

“If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”
– Marie Osmond

“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
Mark Twain

“Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.”
– Mark Twain

“The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.”
– Mark Twain

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightening and the lightening bug.”
– Mark Twain

“The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.”
– Martin Mull

“He who laughs lasts.”
– Mary P. Poole

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
– Mel Brooks

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”
– Montaigne

“If worry were an effective weight-loss program women would be invisible.”
– Nancy Drew

“The next best thing to winning is losing! At least you’ve been in the race.”
– Nellie Hershey Tullis

“Prediction is very difficult especially about the future.”
– Niels Bohr

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
– Orson Welles

“The enemy of society is middle class and the enemy of life is middle age.”
– Orson Welles

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