More Cute Funny Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.”
– Imelda Marcos

“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.”
– Jane Wagner

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
– Joan Rivers

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”
– Joe E. Lewis

“In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out. ”
– Joey Adams

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
– Josh Billings

“Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.”
– Josh Billings

“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular. ”
– Kathy Norris

“I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, Six should be enough.”
– Les Dawson

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ”
– Lily Tomlin

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
– Lily Tomlin

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ”
– Louis Hector Berlioz

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.”
– Lyndon B. Johnson

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”
– Mae West

“Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.”
– Marilyn vos Savant

“Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.”
– Marilyn vos Savant

“Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.”
– Mark Twain

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
– Mark Twain

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
– Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.”
– Mark Twain

“Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, I am with you kid. Let’s go! ”
– Maya Angelou

“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. ”
– Melanie Griffith

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.”
– Mitch Hedberg

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”
– Mitch Hedberg

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