Humorous Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.”
– Unknown

“I date this girl for two years-and then the nagging starts: “I wanna know your name…”"
– Unknown

“Remember: ‘I’ before ‘e’, except in Budweiser.”
– Unknown

“If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.”
– Unknown

“Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway”
– Unknown

“I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!”
– Unknown

“Don’t judge a book by its movie.”
– Unknown

“The Next Time You Think You’re Perfect, Try Walking On Water”
– Unknown

“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.”
– Voltaire

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
– W. C. Fields.

“It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her. ”
– W.C. Fields

“I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. ”
– W.C. Fields

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
– Walter Bagehot

“Wall Street is the only place people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from people who take the subway.”
– Warren Buffett

“Lord, lord, how subject we men are to this vice of lying. ”
– William Shakespeare

“Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ”
– Winston Churchill

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. ”
– Woodrow Wyatt

“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
– Woody Allen

“You can observe a lot by just watching.”
– Yogi Berra

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
– Yogi Berra

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it!”
– Yogi Berra

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else! ”
– Yogi Berra

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they’re on the same side.”
– Zig Ziglar

“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. ”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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