Hilarious Sayings And Quotes For Great Laughter


Hilarious Sayings And Quotes For Great Laughter

Here is a collection of hilarious sayings and quotes from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.”
– Aimee Mullins

“Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.”
Albert Einstein

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.”
– Aldous Huxley

“TV has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.”
– Ann Landers

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
Aristotle Onassis

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

“Without geography, you’re nowhere”
– Author Unknown

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
– Author Unknown

“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
– Bill Cosby

“Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.”
Bill Gates

Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.”
– Billie Holiday

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it.”
– Bob Hope

“It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy
– Bob Hope

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
– Carl Gustav Jung

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
– Casey Stengel

“Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”
– Charles D. Warner

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer”
– Clement Freud

“Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.”
– Confusious

“Cheese, wine, and a friend must be old to be good.”
– Cuban Proverb

“If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.”
– Dave Allen

“Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.”
– David Brent

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
– Dean Martin

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them.”
– Dorothy Parker

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”
– Doug Larson

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”
– Douglas Adams

“The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.”
– Dwight Morrow

“Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.”
– E. B. White

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
– E. B. White

“For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.”
– Elizabeth Blackwell

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”
– Emo Plillips

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