Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.”
– Unknown

“Ask no questions. Hear nor lies.”
– Unknown

“It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.”
– Unknown

“Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium – my work here is done.”
– Unknown

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”
– Unknown

“Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.”
– Unknown

“Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have & waste an entire day without having a life.”
– Unknown

“What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?”
– Unknown

“In the primary school, I was an outstanding student. My teacher would send me to stand outside of the class as a punishment.”
– Unknown

“Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.”
– Unknown

“If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my a$$.”
– Unknown

“Teacher ends the class early with “okay that’s enough for today; I need to update my face-book status.”
– Unknown

“Congrats on getting married… (Inside card) – It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.”
– Unknown

“Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.”
– Unknown

“Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?”
– Unknown

“May I be excused? My brain is full.”
– Unknown

“Why go to college? There’s Google.”
– Unknown

“Kids are like farts. You don’t mind your own, but other peoples are unbearable.”
– Unknown

“Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free!”
– Unknown

“The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
– Unknown

“Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.”
– Unknown

“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, But a wise man tells her she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed!”
– Unknown

“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”
– Unknown

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”
– W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer‘s Notebook, 1949

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
– Will Rogers

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