Funny Life Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
– Mark Twain

“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”
– Mark Twain

“It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”
– Mark Twain

“All women are good – good for nothing, or good for something.”
– Miguel De Cervantes

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. ”
– Murphy’s Law

“Live your life and forget your age.”
– Norman Vincent Peale

“A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick. ”
– Ogden Nash

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it”
– Oscar Wilde

“A true friend stabs you in the front.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Life is too important to be taken seriously.”
– Oscar Wilde

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad”
– P.D. East

“You are a time millionaire for a rich life invest wisely.”
– Richard Andrews

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.”
– Richard Bach

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. ”
– Robert Frost

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
– Robert Frost

“College is a refuge from hasty judgment.”
– Robert Frost

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on. ”
– Robert Frost

“A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.”
– Rudolph Valentino

“Life is like a role of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.”
– Rudyh

“Don’t look back, somebody might be gaining on you ”
– Satchel Paige

“In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away”
– Shing Xiong

“The great question…. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?”
– Sigmund Freud

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
– Steven Wright

“When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.”
– Steven Wright

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.”
– Tom Lehrer

“I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
– unknown

“Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.”
– Unknown

“No one is listening until you fart. ”
– Unknown

“Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.”
– Unknown

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