Funny Birthday Card Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

Are you looking for humorous birthday quotes to write in a birthday greeting card? These funny card »”>birthday card sayings and quotations should bring some laughs.

“I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it’s often the same message: They hope it’s my last.”
– Al Forman

“Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.”
– Anonymous

“Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says For the woman I love and the second, For my best friend.”
– Anonymous

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
– Bernard Manning

“When you’re playing music, say for instance, you’re playing a part of the band and you’re looking at your music, your horn is down into the stand. This way, it’s”
– Billy Eckstine

“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.”
– Branch Rickey

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”
– Chili Davis

“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
– Dennis Miller

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.”
– E Joseph Cossman

“The awkward moment when Santa accidentally leaves the price tag on your present.”
– Eddy Sims quotes

“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.”
– Erma Bombeck

“If Santa would close his eyes on the weekends, I’d probably wouldn’t be naughty list.”
– Estella Trujillo

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
– Father Larry Lorenzoni

”
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”
– Garrison Keillor

“There is no room in the world, as you say, for second rate work.”
– Gerald Finzi

“There would have to be something wrong with someone who could throw out a child’s first Valentine card saying, I love you, Mommy.”
– Ginger Hutton

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.”
– Henry Youngman

“All I want for my birthday is another birthday.”
– Ian Dury

“Funny, but after trading for more than 15 years, I still am capable of forgetting a cardinal rule: The paper you own, in the end, will be intertwined with the fate of the 30-year bond.”
– James Cramer

“My girlfriend bought be a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”
– Jarod Kintz


“It only takes a politician believing in what he says for the others to stop believing him.”
– Jean Baudrillard

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”
– Joan Rivers

“There is still no cure for the common birthday.”
– John Glenn

“There is still no cure for the common birthday.”
– John Glenn

“Our duty is to preserve what the past has had to say for itself, and to say for ourselves what shall be true for the future”
– John Ruskin

“Our duty is to preserve what the past has had to say for itself, and to say for ourselves what shall be true for the future”
– John Ruskin

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
– Johnny Carson

”
I think the person who takes a job in order to live – that is to say, for the money – has turned himself into a slave.”
– Joseph Campbell

“It’s funny when people say, ‘I don’t think Julia likes me.’ Honey, if I don’t like you, you’re going to know about it.”
– Julia Roberts

“I’ll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that’s more than I can say for prosperity.”
– Kin Hubbard

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”
– Kin Hubbard

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
– Larry Lorenzoni

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
– Larry Lorenzoni

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.”
– Larry Wilde

“There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents and only one for birthday presents, you know.”
– Lewis Carroll

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