Funny As Hell Sayings And Quotes To Amuse You

by allinspiration.com

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth–even if it costs him his job. ”
– Samuel Goldwyn

“Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake”
– Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

“Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment”
– Scott Adams/Dilbert

“Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders”
– Sloan Wilson

“Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy”
– Spike Milligan

“Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?”
– Steve Jobs

“Every employee rises to the level of his own incompetence”
– The Peter Principle

“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ‘em, Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.” ”
– Theodore Roosevelt

“Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things”
– TS Eliot

“We have to expect it, otherwise we would be surprised.”
– Unidentified general officer

“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job. ”
– Unknown

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself. ”
– Unknown

“HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. ”
– Unknown

“The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. ”
– Unknown

“A banker lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. ”
– Unknown

“An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. ”
– Unknown

“He’s taking this company to hell, and we’re riding shotgun”
– Unknown

“Run your idea up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it”
– Unknown

“We have paralysis by analysis”
– Unknown

“When you assume, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”"
– Unknown

“Don’t beat a dead horse”
– Unknown

“Failure is not an option—it comes bundled with the software”
– Unknown

“A picture is worth 1,000 words, but it uses up 3,000 times the memory”
– Unknown

“Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines”
– Unknown

“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts”
– Unknown

“There’s an idiot somewhere deprived of a village”
– Unknown

“A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost”
– Unknown

“She works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap”
– Unknown

“They slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking”
– Unknown

“He has hit rock bottom and started to dig”
– Unknown

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