Funny As Hell Sayings And Quotes To Amuse You

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of funny as hell sayings and quotes from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse”
– Adlai Stevenson

“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
– Al Gore

“There’s nothing so improves the mood of the Party as the imminent execution of a senior colleague”
– Alan Clark

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
– Albert Einstein

“If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn’t have a job if he was smarter. ”
– Albert Grant

“Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it”
– Andrew Young

“The City of Rochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smoking in the park because people leave their butts on the beach. ”
– Announcer, WJR Radio

“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back. ”
– Anonymous

“Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired. ”
– Anonymous

“Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. ”
– Anonymous

“A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. ”
– Anonymous

“The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. ”
– Anonymous

“Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking. ”
– Anonymous

“Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald. ”
– Anonymous

“The Earth is like a grain of sand, only bigger”.”
– Anonymous

“Don’t count your checks before they’re cashed.”
– Anonymous

“Friends are God‘s ways of apologizing for our families.”
– Anonymous

“I got a lotta best friends. Some o’ them I don’t even hardly know!”
– Archie Bunker

“All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind”
– Aristotle

“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours. ”
– Arthur Baer

“Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful”
– Benjamin Disraeli

“If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some”
– Benjamin Franklin

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”
– Bertrand Russell

“The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you”
– Bette Midler

“Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing”
– Billy Rose

“You never become a howling success by just howling”
– Bob Harrington

“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches. ”
– Bove’s Theorem

“If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. ”
– Cannon’s Law

“Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife unless the one is to be sold, and the other to be buried.”
– Charles Caleb Colton

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ”
– Charles Lamb

“I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one. ”
– Clarence Darrow

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock. ”
– Claude McDonald

“Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them”
– Communications axim

“Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”
– Cyril Northcote Parkinson/Parkinson’s Law

“I love California. I almost grew up in Phoenix.”
– Dan Quayle

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