60th Birthday Humor

by allinspiration.com

“You can never totally, completely trust a fart.”
– Unknown

“You know your way around but you don’t want to go anywhere.”
– Unknown

“You know you’re getting older when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
– Unknown

“You might start feeling like you’re “old.” But let’s face it, you were old last year.”
– Unknown

“You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.”
– Unknown

“You save all your important reading for the bathroom.”
– Unknown

“You say things like, “little shaver,” “teenybopper,” “whippersnapper,” “wet behind the ears,” and “snotnosed punk”.”
– Unknown

“You shop at Target and Walmart for the great clothes.”
– Unknown

“You shut off the lights for the cost benefits instead of the sex benefits.”
– Unknown

“You start boring complete strangers with your medical problems.”
– Unknown

“You still miss your high-school car but you can’t remember your classmates.”
– Unknown

“You wonder why the TV remote isn’t working, then realize it’s a cordless phone.”
– Unknown

“Your cereal is chosen for the fiber content instead of the toy content.”
– Unknown

“Your childhood toys sell for a fortune on eBay.”
– Unknown

“Your favorite classic rock is now elevator music.”
– Unknown

“Your favorite station on cable is the Weather Channel.”
– Unknown

“Your narrow waist and broad mind have traded places.”
– Unknown

“Your pants creep upward as you get older. By 60 you’re a pair of pants with a head.”
– Unknown

“Your parties never even wake up the dog, let alone the neighbors.”
– Unknown

“Your recliner has more controls than your motor vehicle.”
– Unknown

“Your wife suggests you pull in your stomach and you get a hernia doing it.”
– Unknown

“You’re not only interested in automobile airbags, you’ve become one.”
– Unknown

“One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them.”
– Virginia Woolf

“There was a star danced, and under that was I born.”
– William Shakespeare

“I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.”
– Woody Allen

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