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The Truth about College
College is a bunch of rooms where you sit for two
thousand hours or so and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out
over four years. You spend the rest of the time sleeping, partying, and trying to get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college
1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).
2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).
The latter are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy,
-istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write
them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and
have to stay in college for the rest of your life.
After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you
intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice be sure to
choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers. This means you must not major in
mathematics, physics, biology, or chemistry, or geology because these subjects involve actual facts.
If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor
will say "Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result
to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer
the professor has in mind, you fail.
The same is true of chemistry if you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form
oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the
other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this.
So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology -- subjects in
which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual
facts. I attended classes in all these subjects, so I'll give you a quick overview of each
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